shihan_ai (shihan_ai) wrote,

heavy in your arms

heavy in your arms
2,373 words | NC-17
he tries to fall in love before the sun rises
a/n: title from song by the same name by Florence + the Machine & this is for linna because this and also because i promised her a fic on twitter :3

Heavy In Your Arms

The sky is starting to lighten around the edges, tentative and indolent. Someone left the window open last night and the breeze is crisp with the late autumn wind. Luhan thinks briefly of watching the sunrise with a cup of coffee and burnt toast with too much butter, but his thoughts derail when Yixing’s mouth part against the hollow of his neck and bites down until Luhan whimpers. Wufan's hand wraps around his thigh and another settles on his lower back, nudging his legs open and anchoring him at the same time. Wufan’s panting and his stomach is painted with his release, but his eyes darken when Luhan straddles him. His hands are gentle though, when they come up to cup Luhan’s face and Luhan thinks maybe Wufan would like it, them out on the balcony and pressed close against the brisk morning air and trading coffee-tasting kisses. He opens his mouth to ask, but Yixing works another finger inside at that precise moment and what tumbles out instead is a low moan, which breaks off into a gasp when Yixing crooks his finger and sucks a bruise onto his shoulder at the same time.

There’s no room for questions after that and the day tugs away the night as the three of them fuck slow and languid; dawn breaks with sunlight on damp skin and Luhan’s too busy fisting both hands in the sheets to watch the sunrise.

Yixing doesn’t like to touch much after they have sex and when they all go down to the lobby for breakfast, Yixing fits himself between Jongdae and Zitao. There’s a troubled look in his eyes that Luhan doesn’t understand and the coffee he sips sits wrong in his stomach, because Yixing doesn't even look in their direction for the whole meal.

Minseok throws him a curious glance and Luhan smiles back tightly, the tension locked in his muscles loosening when he feels Wufan’s hand on his knee, warm and steady.

Wufan takes him by the elbow as they’re walking towards the van and leans in close, but not enough to draw unwanted attention. “Hey it’s okay, Yixing probably just doesn’t want the others to be suspicious.”

Luhan nods, flashing Wufan a grateful smile. “Yeah, that’s probably it.” It sounds hollow even to his own ears. He ends up sitting next to Yixing in the van and even though the other man spends the time talking to Zitao, Luhan can feel his skin tingle where their arms are pressed together and his mouth is dry at the phantom touches all over his body. His shoulder is tender where Yixing had marked him earlier and Luhan leans away, towards Minseok, feeling stupidly small and wishing he could touch Yixing the way he used to, without the implications burnt heavy into their hands now.

With a group of six boys, and sometimes twelve, there is little room for secrets, especially ones as big as this. They don’t find themselves alone often and they learn to live on flitting touches and quick kisses. Temptation is dangerous to a starving man though and it doesn’t take much for things to unravel. It’s how they started, Wufan and Luhan. Luhan caught Wufan staring at him as they changed and took great pleasure in pulling the other man close whenever they were alone. It didn’t take long before Wufan was kissing Luhan up against closed doors and they fell into each other just as easily.

One time turned into two and soon they’d fucked too many times to count. The sex was fantastic, the two of them scrambling for purchase against each other by night and bantering through interviews by day and everything was perfect.

Then Yixing had walked in on them one night and everything rotated off axis.

“It doesn’t have to be this way you know,” Wufan finally snaps after Luhan stays in a flunk for the next three days. He startles, knowing he’s been acting out of character lately. Joonmyun had even Skyped him asking if anything was wrong after Jongin mentioned that it seemed like something was eating him up during their weekly chats.

He frowns slightly as he processes Wufan’s words. “What do you mean?”

“This,” Wufan gestures hopelessly. “Our thing with Yixing. It doesn’t have to be this way if it makes you miserable.”

Something tightens in his chest. “It doesn’t make me miserable. This is what I want, you, me and Yixing together, the way it’s meant to be.”

Wufan opens his mouth to say something, mouth twisting and eyes flashing, but then he cuts himself off, jaw clenching. “This isn’t the only way to keep Yixing close, Luhan.”

“Yes it is,” Luhan says, turning away from Wufan to look out the window. “He’s my best friend, Wufan. He’s yours too and I can’t lose him, we can’t lose him. It’s not fair that we should be happy and sleeping together when we’re hurting him.”

“Maybe I don’t want to share you,” Wufan mutters and Luhan watches his reflection in the window shift. It wasn’t supposed to be this way, he thinks weakly. It started so simply, how did it become so complicated?

The silence stretches on until Wufan starts to fidget and Luhan decides to draw the line while he still can. “You still have me, nothing’s changed. We’ve just included Yixing, that’s all. Instead of the two of us mucking around, now there’s just three of us.”

He watches the words hit and Wufan swallows them down hard. He looks like he wants to say something and suddenly Luhan’s scared of hearing it, so he quickly leans in, arms coming around Wufan’s neck and kisses him until they’re falling backwards, into each other, because everything was always simpler this way.

Luhan still remembers the way Yixing had looked when he walked into their room and saw Wufan pressing Luhan into the mattress. There was so much hurt, betrayal and anger etched all over his best friend’s face that Luhan had felt it like a punch in the gut. The air had gone out of his lungs and even now, he can’t wipe the memory from behind his eyes.

So he indulges Yixing at times, lavishes attention and affection on him, even though he knows Wufan disapproves and too often they fall into bed with too much unspoken words between the three of them.

Moving is easier than speaking though and Luhan loses himself in the physical intimacy of the act and he lets go so he doesn’t have to think about what they’re really doing and what it means.

Yixing never fucks soft or quiet, not even when Luhan is already pliant and boneless in his arms, making soft whimpers and pleading with his eyes. Wufan’s different, because whilst he can make Luhan scream, he handles him with gentleness unless Luhan asks, his grip turning into caresses when he thinks he’s pushing too much. Yixing is relentless and he breaks Luhan open in a way that makes his thighs quiver and his chest tight.

Yixing in bed isn’t the Yixing Luhan’s used to, the one who spaces out during lunch and the one who dimples at Luhan’s prank ideas and laughs soft and low. The Yixing who bends Luhan over and presses into him is closer to the dancer who burns up the stage with sure moves and smoldering charisma, and even that version of Yixing is more familiar to Luhan. There are times though when they’re rocking against each other and Luhan chants Yixing’s name that he sees something fold in on itself in Yixing’s eyes. His hands falter and his rhythm stutters, something flaking away to leave Yixing looking brutally vulnerable. It never lasts for long though and the way Yixing fucks him afterwards makes Luhan think maybe he imagined the whole thing.

When they first started doing this, Yixing was possessive towards both of them, fingers digging into hips and mouthing bruises along sensitive skin and Luhan remembers one time Yixing had sucked Wufan off whilst watching him the whole time, a challenge in his eyes. Luhan had leaned back against the bed and watched with breathy gasps though, turned on and wanting more. When Yixing had done the same thing to Luhan though, he had followed Yixing’s eyes to see Wufan watching with burning jealousy. He doesn’t know what it meant to Yixing, but after that, Luhan found himself caught between the other two.

Wufan had found Luhan first, but Yixing made up for lost time with hungry hands and an eager mouth and it took very little time for Yixing to map out all the parts of his body that once only Wufan had knowledge of. He didn’t understand why or how he became the battlefield of the war Yixing and Wufan seems to be waging, but the fervor with which they touch him thrills him.

“Wufan,” he gasps as Wufan wraps a hand around his cock, grip firm and torturously slow. They don’t have schedules tomorrow until late afternoon, which meant they had time to play for once and both Yixing and Wufan are definitely in a playful mood. Luhan has already been brought near the edge several times in the past hour, but they’ve denied him release, and he is whining at the teasing touches.

“Please,” he begs after another few minutes of lazy stroking and Yixing still teasing him with just his fingers. “Please.”

Wufan thumbs his leaking slit and Luhan pitches forward with a moan, the taller man taking the opportunity to pull him in for a kiss. Luhan’s mouth parts willingly as Wufan rewards him with a few solid tugs and he moans again. He feels Yixing’s hands tighten on his hip and before Luhan can say anything, he’s being pulled backwards. Wufan’s mouth chases Luhan’s lips, looking wrecked with desire and his eyes darken in anger when he sees Luhan pulled flush against Yixing and head tilted so he’s caught in an open mouthed kiss.

Yixing’s curling his fingers and pushing exactly where Luhan needs him to and Luhan is making desperate gasping sounds. He sees the way Wufan’s jaw tightens and he wants to reach out and reassure him, but Yixing’s pulling his fingers out and replacing it with his cock, pushing in with little warning. The stretch and burn makes Luhan’s eyes squeeze shut and he’s trying to not fly apart at the roll and thrust of Yixing’s hips. They often end up like this, Luhan between them and Yixing fucking him from behind, bent over Wufan. Yixing likes it this way and each time Luhan thinks maybe they shouldn’t, Yixing slams into him hard enough for the words to fly out of his head. He’s so close, so very close and he vaguely feels Wufan rubbing his side soothingly, but there’s too much heat and pressure, Yixing filling him up and making his bones shake and it’s Yixing’s name he screams when he comes.

He winces during dance practice, cursing the two of them for being so rough and Yixing throws him an apologetic glance, Wufan a concerned one. They usher him away as soon as dance practice finishes and somehow in the process of making it up to him, Luhan finds himself on his back on a table and Yixing's talented mouth between his legs and Wufan kissing him senseless.

He groans as he trembles and he throws every profanity he can think of at them both, hands tight in Yixing's hair and nails digging into Wufan's arm.

It mellows out a little over time and there are times where it is less of a competition and more of a collaboration of sorts.

“Jesus,” Luhan rasps, panting hard as Wufan slumps against him and Yixing pulls away with a grin, hands on his quivering thighs. He sprawls gracelessly, grimacing at the mess on his skin and his mind drifts as they lie there waiting for their heartbeats to fall back to normal.

Wufan nuzzles his neck and Luhan wonders when this started becoming more than just sex for the other man and if Wufan even realizes. He wonders if Wufan would ever confess, or make him choose between him and Yixing and who Luhan would pick in the end.

There’s a candle on the bedside table, but none of them are romantics. With three people in a double bed, it’s hard enough to maneuver without having to do it in the dark. It’s quiet now though, silent save for their breathing and in the stillness, he turns to Yixing and watches the shadows across his face. The soft yellow light washes the years from Yixing’s features and with his hair plastered messily on his forehead and his eyes drooping sleepily, Yixing looks like the boy Luhan had found leaning against the mirrors of the practice rooms all those years ago.

Stay, he asks with the curl of his hand against Yixing’s wrist. There’s that flicker in Yixing’s eyes again and Luhan closes his eyes feeling like he’s sinking. Yixing doesn’t leave though and when he moves closer to Luhan, it’s with none of the intensity or purpose he usually exhibits. Fingers brush his jaw and Luhan sucks in a breath at Yixing’s palm against his neck, the press of calluses against his pulse. Wufan shifts behind him, arm coming around his waist and Luhan leans back instinctively.

You’re important to me, he wants to say to each of them. More than you could guess. He wants to pull them closer, till there are no spaces between the dips of their bodies. Luhan thinks maybe they could learn to fit together, even if Yixing wants to keep Luhan his and Wufan wants Luhan to love him back and Luhan’s not sure if he loves either of them the way it’s meant to be.

Dawn creeps up on them again and Luhan is still awake, having let the other two fall asleep without him. He watches the colours shift in the sky, heart hammering and with Yixing and Wufan’s steady breathing ghosting over his skin.

He slides his hand over Yixing’s arm and Wufan’s hand on his stomach and he tries to fall in love before the sun rises.

Tags: exo, krishan, krishanlay, layhan

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