Minseok/Luhan/Yixing (side: Sehun/Luhan, Baekhyun/Chanyeol, others)
NC-17 | 9225 words
Yixing's caught in this dance with no rules and everything always comes back to Luhan
Nothing happens for a long time after that.
Minseok doesn’t confront him about what happened and Luhan doesn’t treat him any differently, even if he does look at Yixing intently from time to time, as if he was a puzzle that needs to be solved.
The other two are more obvious with their affection now and Yixing has learnt to school his expression to not show how he feels inside. They fall into a routine where they try to keep things to when they are in Minseok’s room and Yixing pretends not to notice when they fail to. Luhan’s trying to balance them, Yixing can tell, the best friend and the lover and so he doesn’t say anything about the empty bed beside him on most nights.
He doesn’t let himself give in again, not in the shower and not in his bed. Luhan was his friend, he shouldn’t be thinking such thoughts to indulge his selfish needs. Plus, all it did was make things worse.
It’s so long before anything comes from the incident, that Yixing is starting to forget about it, so when it does happen, it hits him like a truck.
Yixing comes home early from work and he’s drained after finally finishing the project that has kept him at the company for most of the week. He’s too tired to think straight and he walks in on Minseok and Luhan kissing in the kitchen.
Luhan’s sitting on the kitchen counter with his legs around Minseok’s waist and he’s leaning down to press urgent kisses to Minseok’s jaw and lips. They look up at the opening of the door and there’s a moment when the three of them just stare at each other in silence, Yixing frozen in the doorway.
Yixing stands there staring too long, because Luhan is starting to look at him with concern and his smile wavers, unsure. “Yixing?”
“Oh, um,” Yixing catches himself, gesturing awkwardly and turning to leave, “I’ll just go-”
“We don’t mind, you know,” Luhan’s voice stops him. “If you joined us. I mean if you want.”
Yixing feels his heart stop and he turns shocked eyes on Minseok who just shrugs and slides one hand to Luhan’s erection, squeezing it lightly.
Yixing is still trying to grasp what exactly is happening right here, but Luhan’s eyes are fixed on him when Minseok does this and the soft moan he lets out goes straight to Yixing’s cock. He knows better than this, he’s stronger than this. That doesn’t stop him swinging the door shut behind him. It shuts with a decisive click.
He takes the hand Luhan holds out to him and before he can fully comprehend it, Luhan’s kissing him, mouth open and soft. Yixing loses himself in the moment, caught up in the fact that this is Luhan he’s kissing and he would have happily continued just like this, but a low whimper interrupts his hazy thoughts. Luhan tightens his grip on Yixing’s shoulders and makes the same sound again and he opens his eyes to see that Minseok has Luhan’s pants open and is sucking teasingly at the jut of hipbone peeking through the top of his waistband.
Yixing shivers at the sight and he stands there frozen as Luhan’s breath hitches and turns increasingly uneven. Minseok cups his face and Luhan’s mouth opens obediently against the kiss.
Luhan is still holding onto his hand and after a moment, Luhan pulls away from Minseok and kisses Yixing again, harder this time. “Let’s move this somewhere more comfortable.”
This is really happening, Yixing thinks disorientated and overwhelmed. He feels like there should be music and soft lighting, lots of alcohol.
There’s none of that though, just Minseok lifting Luhan up and carrying him in the direction of the bedroom, pausing to glance back at Yixing as if to ask him well, are you coming or not?
Luhan turns to look at him, eyes wide, but darkened with desire and his mouth is kiss-swollen. Yixing has always been weak when it came to Luhan and with Luhan looking the way he did, there was not really any question of what he would choose.
By the time Luhan is naked on the bed and Minseok has worked off his own pants, Yixing is still fully dressed and embarrassingly hard. Luhan’s hands hover over his jeans and he mouths at the bulge before unzipping Yixing’s belt to do the same with his boxers. It’s painful how much he wants Luhan right now and Yixing’s hips jerk involuntarily at the heat. Minseok watches leisurely, hands trailing up and down Luhan’s spine.
Luhan likes to tease, Yixing finds out to his simultaneous excitement and dismay. The other man takes his time working on Yixing, small licks and quick swipes of tongue, enough that Yixing’s trembling by the time Luhan finally takes him into his mouth.
Yixing’s not like the other two, but he’s had enough sexual encounters since high school to know what it’s like having a mouth on his dick. He remembers messy, drunken blowjobs at parties to the careful precision of his ex-girlfriend.
Luhan’s mouth was dragging him to ruin.
Yixing’s making desperate little thrusts despite himself and all Luhan does is make little encouraging noises in the back of his throat and continue. It’s almost brutal how good he is at this. There’s a sudden scrape of teeth and a sharp inhale and Yixing’s eyes fly open to see Minseok with a hand on Luhan’s ass, a finger sliding in between his ass cheeks. Luhan resumes what he was doing and Yixing’s eyes flutter shut and he tries to rein himself in, because fuck, he was far too close to the edge already. Minseok continues his ministrations, adding a second finger soon after and Luhan is starting to pant around Yixing’s erection, breath hot and heavy. When another finger is added, Luhan cries out a little and his throat clenches around the head of Yixing’s cock. Minseok is mouthing at Luhan’s shoulderblades and he’s doing something with his fingers, because Luhan is moaning now, vibrations running through Yixing each time and when Minseok moves behind him and starts to slide in slowly, the sound Luhan makes brings Yixing over the edge.
He comes before he can warn Luhan and some of it spills out of Luhan’s open mouth as Minseok settles all the way in. This is not the way it’s supposed to be, Yixing thinks faintly as his body shakes. He’s not a hopeless romantic, but he’d be lying if he hadn’t imagined making love to Luhan, the two of them, slow and gentle and maybe a little shy. He thinks of sunlight and the smell of paint.
Minseok isn’t supposed to be here, and he’s not supposed to be flipping Luhan onto his back and pressing him into the mattress. Luhan shouldn’t be gasping under another man’s touch.
Yixing lies back with his eyes closed trying to ignore the rocking of the bed and instead thinking about the way Luhan’s mouth feels on his skin. Later when Luhan is trembling between them, skin flushed and so dangerously beautiful, Minseok leans over to kiss Yixing and he kisses him back hard enough to draw blood.
The three of them falls into an unspoken arrangement of acting like horny teenagers whenever the three of them are together and they have more sex in the next few months than Yixing can count. He throws himself into this new dance of theirs, and it’s intoxicating in ways he hadn’t even imagined possible, heady and raw and the rest of the world is on mute.
Baekhyun is worried about him, Yixing can tell, but he can’t bring himself to change anything, not when he gets to fall asleep with Luhan pressed against his chest and run his hands along the curve of Luhan’s back, his fingertips on warm skin instead of paper.
Work takes him away from Luhan each day, but they come together again before the night’s truly fallen and Yixing’s so thankful for the way Luhan melts into his arms each time that he can almost see himself loving Minseok for making all this happen. Falling in love smoothes all the rough edges, or so they say and Yixing tries his hardest to love Minseok. He lets Minseok fuck him and he lets himself go, lets Minseok wring gasps and cries out of him and Yixing wants some sort of revelation to hit him. He wraps his legs around Minseok’s hips and digs his nails into his back and he kisses Minseok desperate, hoping to imprint the feel and taste of the other man straight into his heart.
It doesn’t work though, because Luhan is between them even when he’s really sitting an arm length away, eyes dark and head leaning back against the headboard. Yixing yearns for Luhan even as he moans from Minseok’s thrusts and he bites down on his hand to muffle the name that wells up in his throat instinctively.
The three of them curl up together, warm and messy, limbs tangled together and Yixing closes his eyes as Luhan’s fingers curl against his stomach sleepily. The world could be falling apart outside and Yixing would stay here as he is and it scares him how easy the thought comes to him.
On a day when Luhan is on a job out of Seoul with Joonmyun, Yixing takes Minseok to Three Cups. Minseok grabs a green tea frappucino and Yixing orders his usual caramel latte. Minseok raises an eyebrow as Kai brings over an extra bottle of caramel with their orders and watches with amusement as Yixing covers the top of his drink with sticky sweetness.
“What? I have a sweet tooth,” Yixing says defensively and nods at him to try the cake. It’s one of their best, their signature orange poppy seed slice. Yixing has it eight out of ten times he’s here and it’s always perfectly moist and the cream cheese icing with hints of lemon never fails to impress.
Minseok hums appreciatively, forking a bigger bite and Yixing snorts and goes to order a fruit tart for himself. Luhan swears up and down to everyone he knows that this is best fruit slice in Seoul and looking at the mango, strawberry and guava swirled with custard, Yixing has to agree.
“Damn it, you guys have been holding out on me,” Minseok reproaches without any heat, around a mouthful of cake. “This place is a gem. No wonder you two always come here.”
Yixing looks at him then nods at the door just as the bell jingles. Minseok turns and then looks back at Yixing with questioning eyes.
“Yep, that’s Sehun,” he confirms with a nod. He watches Minseok carefully, wondering how the other man will react. The first time Yixing had seen Sehun, he’d known the boy was going to be trouble. He was handsome and confident; full of effortless charm and the smile on his face when he caught sight of Luhan watching him had been too pleased for Yixing’s liking. It wasn’t a surprise when the two of them had fallen into the dance they had. It still stung when Yixing remembers the night Luhan had stumbled back home with bruise on his neck and another man’s cologne lingering on his skin.
Minseok hmms and sits back in his seat, his fork still in his mouth and his tone is light, but his eyes are hard. “I’m not surprised Luhan favored him.”
The use of the past tense doesn’t pass him by and Yixing is jealous of the conviction with which Minseok speaks. “How do you know he doesn’t still?”
“Luhan doesn’t need him anymore,” Minseok says calmly.
Yixing has stopped watching Sehun now. “What you need and what you want are very different things. Sometimes you can only choose one.”
“Sometimes they’re the one and the same,” Minseok says with a tilt of his head. His eyes stay locked with Yixing’s. “Sometimes, people don’t see that.”
They sip their drinks in silence and they don’t speak again until Beautiful Stranger winds down.
Minseok sighs and his eyes softening as he runs a hand through his hair. “Look, Yixing I’m not here to fight with you, I- I just want him to be happy.”
“So do I,” he says, setting his coffee down and pushing his fork away. “I’d do anything to make him happy.
A group of school kids squeezes into the café, cheeks flushed and their laughter easy and free. They huddle around a table near Yixing and Minseok, and they both watch as one of the boys waves his arms around in an exaggerated fashion and all his friends swat at him laughing with embarrassment. Yixing thinks back to when they were young and laughed at anything and everything, back when they were skinny and Yixing’s mind was filled with math formulas, trying to get his Hangul straight and Luhan. Maybe, he was in love with Luhan even then.
Minseok appears lost in thought when Yixing looks at him and he wonders if the other man is thinking of the past as well. Another burst of laughter rings across the café from the other table and Yixing wonders where they’ll be in six or seven years and whether they’ll still laugh the same way.
“He loves you too, you know,” Minseok says after they’ve both finished with their food and Yixing flinches at the implication. “The three of us can make this work.”
But you’re the one that makes him happy, he thinks and the last bite goes down like gravel.
“Take this,” Baekhyun says and his tone is as serious as Yixing has ever heard it.
The two of them are sitting at a little shop tucked underneath Baekhyun’s favorite comics shop and the samgyupsal is spitting invitingly between them. They’ve got about five bottles of soju lined up and they’ve emptied the third one before Baekhyun had handed Yixing an envelope.
He takes it cautiously and opens it when Baekhyun says nothing more. His fingers still and his head jerks up so fast he almost pulls something in his neck.
“What is this?” he spits out and he grabs Baekhyun by the arm when the other man doesn’t answer. “I don’t need this, Baekhyun.”
Baekhyun shoves his hand off and pushes him away when he tries to hand the envelope back. “Just take it okay? For me, Yixing, please, you don’t have to use it, just…keep it.”
Yixing stares at the other boy for a very long time and his grip loosens, shoulders slumping. He rubs a hand roughly across his face. “Okay,” he says haltingly. “Okay. I don’t need it, but thank you.”
He pockets the envelope and pours Baekhyun another glass. They eat with the smoke of the grill in their faces and the chill of the night wind licking at their ankles. Baekhyun tells him about how he mistook his new boss for a new intern and how Chanyeol made up this crazy avocado, chips and pancake dish. Yixing laughs at Baekhyun’s stories until he’s got tears in his eyes and he’s clutching at his ribs in a way he’s not really used to anymore.
It rains for a week and a half and Seoul is bathed in the smell of damp soil and lit with the hazy glow of lights seen through water.
Rain makes Luhan lethargic and he stretches out on the couch with a book on his stomach, too sleepy even to read. There’s a cup of tea on the coffee table and half a cookie and Yixing watches the slow rise and fall of Luhan’s chest and there’s an inch in the tips of his fingers. To touch, to mark, to hold.
He crosses the living room, his heart thudding at an irregular march and he kneels beside Luhan and kisses him.
He cups Luhan’s jaw and tilts his face so their mouths slotted together just right and he puts everything into the kiss. His knees weaken when Luhan kisses him back, a hand falling against his neck and Yixing’s glad he’s already on the ground. Something curls in the pit of his stomach as Luhan’s lips part and Yixing deepens the kiss until they’re both gasping for breath. This was the first time they’ve done this without Minseok here.
“Yixing,” Luhan murmurs, turning his head to the side, but making no move to push him away. “I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy,” Yixing says and with his hands in Luhan’s hair, he means it this time. “You make me happy.”
Luhan’s eyes shutter at that and he looks away. “Do you remember what I said that time we were talking about sleeping with people?”
Yixing freezes and he shifts back. His hands are shaking as they rest on Luhan’s neck and his mouth still tingles from their kiss. “I remember,” he says and he’s proud that his voice doesn’t shake.
He cuts Luhan off from saying more, leaning in again to press their lips together. He knows what’s coming and he’s not sure if he’s ready to hear it.
They kiss some more and he savors the taste of Luhan in his mouth and the feel of his skin under his hands. Luhan inhales deeply as their mouths part and it’s long moment before he bends his head so their foreheads are resting together.
“I found that person, Yixing,” he whispers, voice hoarse. Their eyes meet and Luhan looks so very sad in that moment. “I don’t want to do that to you.”
Yixing stares at Luhan for a long, hard moment and he thinks of all that’s happened in the past year and when he kisses Luhan again, he does it knowing Luhan is in love with Minseok.
Luhan doesn’t fight him this time and he’s lying on top of the other man soon enough. He tightens his arm around the other man’s waist and presses him against the couch, fingers flat against Luhan’s stomach.
“I don’t care what you do to me,” he murmurs against the curve of Luhan’s throat and sucks on that one spot he knows will make Luhan’s eyes flutter shut.
Just don’t let me go.
Yixing is rudely woken up when the warmth around him suddenly disappears and he blinks in confusion. There’s a yelp of surprise and indignation from behind him, but Yixing can’t help but stare when he sees Luhan walking towards the door with the sheets wrapped tantalizingly low on his hips. Luhan grins and Yixing groans.
Yixing shivers, partly from the cold and partly from the hard-on pressing into the back of his thigh. Last night, Luhan had made no secret of what happened between them to Minseok as soon as the older man came home and Yixing is still aching all the way down to the arch of his feet from what the three of them got up to last night.
Luhan’s not spread out between them now though and there’s a silence that stretches on for a little too long. Minseok’s hands fall against his hip momentarily and Yixing wonders if the older man is going to fuck him again. Minseok pushes against him, erection hot as it slides between Yixing’s ass and he closes his eyes, waiting. But then the heat and the pressure disappear all at once and Minseok is stepping off the bed and walking into the bathroom without looking at him.
Yixing turns so that he’s breathing in Luhan’s peach scented shampoo lingering on the pillow and he traces circles on the rumpled sheets.
It always did come back to Luhan.
Yixing wonders how long they can last before everything ruptures.
They sleep together without Minseok and Yixing gets to savor the thrill of having Luhan unravel from his touch and no one else’s. Luhan never turns him away when Yixing reaches for him now. He lets Yixing kiss him and he kisses back and his touches leaves Yixing wanting more, wishing Luhan could brand his touch on Yixing’s skin forever.
He’s never been closer to Luhan, but he’s never been so far either and the way Luhan looks at Minseok still belongs to Minseok alone and Yixing has never felt more hopeless.
They have nights where they fuck like they’re on different sides of a war and the air crackles it’s so tense and they fall into each other unrelenting and punishing.
Luhan tries to balance the two of them, but it’s hard when they both want his attention and neither of them is above using any and all means to get it. Luhan’s usually too much of a panting mess to keep them from getting too competitive.
Minseok sucks a monster bruise on the inside of Luhan’s thigh and Luhan moans in a way that has Yixing’s jaw clenching, the possessiveness shooting through his veins like poison.
There are fingers around his wrist and against the hollow of his throat and he wants to slam his head upwards and see if he can break Minseok’s nose.
“Tell me why,” his throat feels tight and he has to force the words out. “Why can’t it be me?”
They’re standing in the bathroom, or rather Yixing is and Luhan is sitting on the floor. They’d been fine a few minutes ago, more than fine with Yixing sitting on the edge of the bathtub and Luhan’s mouth on him, his mouth hot and eyelashes brushing against Yixing’s skin.
“I love you,” he had blurted out and Luhan had gone completely still.
He had tried to kiss Luhan, to smooth the tension away, but Luhan had turned away with a soft, ‘no’.
Yixing sits down on the bathroom floor with Luhan, but not close enough to touch. “Why can it only be Minseok hyung?”
Luhan runs his hands across his face and through his hair, the ends standing up messily as he tugs at them. “Yixing…”
“Tell me,” he says again, voice dipping. “Please, I need to know.”
Luhan looks at him and his eyes are distressed, but he squared his jaw. Luhan didn’t like confrontations, but he was never one to shy away when things needed to be said. So he tells Yixing about growing up with Minseok, climbing through his windows and fighting him for blankets, scrapping their knees and elbows mucking around all over town. He talks about Minseok beating up the other boys when they pushed Luhan around and the time when Minseok had turned up at his doorstep with a bad limp and bruises on his face and they’d held each other and didn’t say a single word for a whole night. Luhan’s voice is soft and his eyes faraway as he speaks of a summer’s night that was so hot that they’d slept with the windows open and the sheets thrown back on the floor.
“There was a breeze, but barely and we just lay there talking about this girl in school who everyone liked, and Minseok just put a hand over my mouth and looked at me,” Luhan spoke, lost in his memories and his words trip over each other. “And my breath just caught, you know. I remember thinking, oh. Oh. Then I’d reached over and kissed him and we never did find the brakes after that.”
Luhan’s face is lit up and Yixing can’t tear his eyes away even when he knows he should. They’re standing on the edge of something and Yixing is afraid to breathe in case he topples.
“Then he left,” he says, throat tight.
“Then they took him away!” Luhan spits out and there’s fire in his eyes. “His dad caught us. He came home early and Minseok had his hands down my pants and his mouth on my neck and his dad saw us. And they took him from me.”
His voice is harsh, all suppressed fury and Yixing feels himself slipping.
“It’s always been Minseok; there was never anyone else,” he says it in a way that almost sounds like a question, even if they both knows it’s not.
Luhan doesn’t answer for a very long time and Yixing watches as the energy seems to sap out of him. The other man fiddles with the corner of the mat and he looks torn as he meets Yixing’s eyes. There’s regret there, an apology, guilt too and Yixing sucks in a slow breath.
“I loved him long before I even knew what love was,” Luhan says and Yixing’s been bracing himself for this, but it still knocks the air out of his lungs.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Luhan says over and over and he’s crying, hands pleading on Yixing’s arm.
Yixing wants to reach out and kiss Luhan silent, press him down against the ceramic bathtub and fuck until they wash all this away.
His hand lingers on Luhan’s for a moment and then he pushes the hand away. He walks out of the bathroom and the apartment without looking back and he doesn’t let himself fall apart until he’s knocking on Baekhyun’s door. The other man takes one look at him and crushes him in a hug and Yixing muffles his sobs against Baekhyun’s shoulder and holds on desperately as everything else crumbles.
“Hey,” Luhan says tentatively. It’s almost a year later and Yixing’s breath still hitches a little when Luhan does that breathless little chuckle he does when he’s really nervous. “How are you?”
Yixing smiles and it comes a little easier now. “I’m good. Really good actually. I think I’m a little in love.”
It’s too soon and the words scrap at his tongue, but they need this, he needs this.
Luhan laughs and he only hesitates for a second before he says, “I’ve missed you, Yixing.”
He swallows and looks at the bustling street around him. The buildings shoot upwards and the lights flashing from every one basks him in a soothing cocoon of neon. The city smells like cherry blossoms and warm rain and the noises and smells are strangely comforting. Yixing breathes in deep and the touch of Tokyo is a gentler one than Seoul.
“I miss you too,” he says with a smile. “Maybe I’ll come home some day.”
He thinks of an old art studio tucked into the corners of Tokyo and standing here at an intersection with Luhan’s breathing in his ear, it’s so easy to imagine Luhan’s hand in his.
The winds pick up, tugging at his clothes and the chill drags his old dreams away and Yixing doesn’t chase after them.