Anyways, I miss you all, lots of love, hope you enjoy this.
and also, belated happy birthday to my hubby, linnadhiel_x. baby, your birthday fic is...coming... /slinks off
Title: Pretend It's Me
Pairing: HanHyuk, implied Shihan and ninja!HanHae
Pretend It's Me
you have kissed him four times and he does not know
the first time, it’s in the practice rooms, lost in the hours between night and dawn and you are all slumped against the mirrors, his head resting on donghae’s stomach. you wipe the sweaty hair off his face and he doesn’t stir, because it’s hard to feel such things when everything feels like lead and fire and everything hurts.
you lean down and it’s a feather soft kiss to his lips and you pull back so fast that you fall on your butt, but there’s no other sound in the room save for soft breathing and the thundering of your own heart.
the second time, it’s in your bedroom and you kiss him, only it’s not really him. sungmin walks in as you press a firm kiss against his lips and your best friend doesn’t say anything, even when the photograph slips from your fingers and sungmin stares at the smiling image of hankyung lying at your feet.
you don’t talk about it.
the third time, it’s in the bathroom, and there’s still loud music blarring through the speakers in the living room and there’s various members sprawled across the dorm. you’re in the bathroom, splashing water onto your face, when the door opens and the tall chinese man stumbles through. you catch him before he hits the sink and he wraps his arms around you and mutters ‘siwon’ against your neck. he leans back against the tiles and tilts his neck and you know you shouldn’t but you kiss him anyway, hands in his hair and mouth desperately seeking.
he leans into you with trust and familiarity and you run out before he can call siwon’s name again.
the fourth time, it’s the last time.
there are flowers everywhere and you stand there waiting for what seemed like forever. sungmin is keeping a firm grip on your hand and it tightens around your fingers as you lean closer and closer. it hurts, but you don’t care, because everyone is staring at you and the silence is deafening and something’s wrong.
it’s so so cold, the kiss, the room, his face, the glass
idek what this is